For the longest I’ve Had trouble with Handling depression. I think it all started around the age of 18 right after high school, I was one of those kids that immediately felt the need to jump into college and that’s just what I did. But I didn’t expect college to be as hard and stressful as it was on top of costly. You can say I but off more than I could chew, I was also working at the time as well to pay for college 2 jobs and 4 classes was a lot for me and I started falling behind in classes and being over exhausted at work and that led me to getting stressed. There were points that I would break down and cry and I became super depressed and ever since then I just had trouble managing it. I think the biggest part that hit hard was when I came out to my aka “stepped out the closest” My coming out story wasn’t sugar and rainbows. It was the exact opposite of that, I lost so many friends, friends I thought were my real friends turned their backs on me, and coming from a religious house that didn’t go so well either my family turned their backs on me and made me wish I was never born. I had no one and for the first time that was when I really felt alone, my thoughts turned dark I never left my room all I did was cry, and that’s when I started doing self harm. It was my escape every time I was gonna cry I would cut myself but even still that didn’t take the pain away so I would cut more and more until it stopped. Then the thoughts got darker I was at my lowest and that’s when I had the thoughts of suicide and attempted suicide by hanging it seemed like a cop out but I didn’t care. I had my letter written and and the Noose ready “this was it I thought” I stared at it for so long ready to end it all but for some reason I didn’t. I became stronger for a time, I stopped putting up with certain things I thought I beat it, I almost did even today I still struggle with depression but not to that point not since my first open relationship. But that will be a story for another time. Thank you for listening and again until we meet again.
Wayward Child 